


The picture

by MarVinKill



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-25 10:54:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14975672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarVinKill/pseuds/MarVinKill
Summary: Different take of Clay finding the picture among the others in season 2 episode 10. Smile bitchesWill involve rape! So don’t read if you are not up to it





	1. Chapter 1

Clay was sitting in his room with Sheri and Justin, they were going trough all the pictures Zach had helped find them. There weren’t any faces they knew and in most pictures the girls seemed to be having just as much fun.  
Sheri sighed “these photos go back, like, years.  
Justin responded as Clay kept looking trough the pictures. “It’s no wonder these fucking baseball guys are so fucking tight. I mean, they’re all covering each others asses for this shit.”  
Sheri looked at Justin. “These poor girls.”  
Clay just couldn’t understanding wat he was seeing. “that’s the thing i don’t get. I mean why are these girls getting themselves into this situation in the first place?”  
Sheri huffed “seriously Clay? You’re gonna blame the girls?”  
That’s not what clay had meant and he didn’t mean to sound like an asshole. “No, I just. look, I mean, this girl is laughing. Like she’s having fun.” He held up the picture to emphasize his point.  
“Oh my god” Sheri exclaimed. Grabbing the picture from Clays hand “That’s Nina, that girl on the track team. She’s Jessica’s friend!  
“Shit really.” Justin said taking the picture from Sheri.  
“Clay, you don’t know what was happening in this photo. And you don’t know what happened after.” Sheri stares at Clay indignantly.  
“But clearly no one is forcing her to be there” clay responds  
Sheri just shakes her head. “Look, girls don’t just ‘get themselves’ into bad situations. Guys make the situations bad. You don’t know what it feels like, to be a girl in that room.”  
Clay couldn’t really come up with an answer to that. Sheri had a good point. “Uh,yeah no.” Suddenly clay recognized the boot in one of the pictures one the bottom of the pile. Slowly he pulled it out, scared of what he might see and as he looked at the picture his heart started pounding in his chest. He quickly put the picture upside down on the table when the others weren’t looking “ I guess you’re right.”  
Clay was glad Sheri hadn’t noticed as she responded “I’m just saying it’s complicated”  
His heart was still pounding hoping neither would see the picture he just found  
“Shit!” Justin suddenly said “shit, guys look,” showing one of the polaroids to Clay and Sheri.  
“Oh god! That’s Clöe” clay whispers. Glad to not have to use the other pic he just found  
“He did that to his own girlfriend?” Sheri responds  
“This is how we take him down!” A plan forming in Clays head  
“What do you mean?” Justin asks “She’s unconscious in these pictures” clay starts  
“He’s fucking raping her! If we show her these, maybe we can get her to report it.”  
“Maybe we can get her to turn against him”  
“You think she will?” Justin seems skeptical  
“I think we have to try” clay ends.

Slowly he picks up the picture he had laid face down on the table. The other two were busy going trough the other pictures again.  
His heart pounded as he slowly raised it to look at it again. There wasn’t any doubt in his mind what the picture was showing.  
It had been the army boots that had triggered him and he had known right away they were his friends. His friend looked younger in the picture and his friend was clearly unconscious.   
Tony.... what the fuck happened! Why hadn’t he said anything!  
Worse were the detail in the picture. Tony was missing his jacket and his jeans were undone, it was pretty clear something really bad had happened or was about to.

He really didn’t want the others to see and quickly stuffed the picture in his pocket but he wasn’t sure what to do with it


	2. Now what.

He had been staring at the picture every night, trying to figure out what to do. Tony looked so vulnerable in that picture. Clay had tried all week to start that conversation with him but every time he lost his courage. He was pretty sure that Tony had started to notice something, he was always good at that.   
Clay was probably the only person at school who knew how Tony really was. Most kids stayed far away from him as he was known to have a short temper and if he did launch a swing at you, you would be guaranteed to hit the floor.

Giving up he stuffed the picture back in his bag and went downstairs. He found his mom sitting at the kitchen table working. He stared at her as he leaned against the door frame, wondering if he should tell her.

Suddenly she looked up at him and smiled “Hey Clay”  
“Hey mom, you busy?” She looked at her screen. “Just a bit of work but did you need me?”  
Oh yes he wanted to spill everything but he knew he couldn’t and he was pretty sure Tony wouldn’t want that. “Can we maybe talk?” His moms face lit up, she was always worried about him since Hannah so offering to talk always made her happy. “Sure sit down!l she patted the chair next to her and closed her laptop. Clay slowly sat down. “Mom, can we maybe. Like talk but without me telling everything. I just, kinda, need to figure out what to do” his mom was looking thoughtful at him, she was probably thinking many things but she was already happy to have any conversation with him. “Sure honey, just know that if you do wanna tell that is fine too”

Clay looked down at his hands, remembering how they had just held that fucking picture. “Mom, I found out something really bad might have happened to someone... and I want to help that person but I am not sure that person wants to be helped. And if I do want to help I don’t know even how to start!” He rattled it all out pretty quickly and he was actually quite proud what a well formed sentence it had been.  
His mother stared at him for a while, he could see her mind working as she tried to come up with an answer. “Is this person a friend?” Clay just nodded, he didn’t want to say to much.  
“Sometimes, people don’t want to feel the pain again and they try to shut it inside. But I think we both know that in the end that is never a good idea. Or a person might be scared of what will happen if they tell, that people will judge them or that something else might happen. So, maybe, it is best to first make it clear that you would never judge that person.” Clay nodded at his mom. “So Should I ask? If he never tells me?”  
Clays mom stared at him for a moment. “Maybe in the end. He might need that little push to start talking. But he might hate you for it for a while.” Clay stared at his mom. Shit, he had said he! Of course she had heard it. He quickly shot up out of his chair. “Thanks mom” he stammered as he made for the door.  
“Clay, don’t worry, I won’t say anything to anyone”  
Clay hesitated at the door. “Yeah” he answered and the ran up the stairs

His room felt cold as he laid down on his bed. He reached for his backpack and pulled out his phone and the picture. Looking at Tony’s form on that couch he kept going over his mom’s advice. His heart had started pounding again as he opened his phone. Tony always looked so strong and maybe the picture didn’t mean anything... but if it did, shouldn’t he at least try and help him, like Tony always did for him. His thumb opened his messages and he tapped Tony’s name. Hesitating a little he started to type.

Hey, you doing anything this weekend? 

His finger hovered over the send button till he finally found his courage again and hit it. He stared at the picture again. If nothing had happened then why was he unconscious and why were his clothes messed with. His phone bleeped as he received a message. It was Tony 

No, not really. Something wrong?

That was Tony, he always knew if something was wrong with Clay. Clay started typing

No, just don’t wanna be home this weekend. Mom is smothering me again and I just need a break.

Clay hit send again and pushed the picture back in his bag. Getting up he started taking of his sweater and shirt and as he was about to take of his pants his phone rang.   
He looked at the screen and his heart started pounding. Tony was FaceTiming him, shit! He hadn’t thought that could happen. Tony being all old school with everything he still had an iPhone of course. How was he going to his his nervousness?

Looking at the screen for a few seconds he answered it. Tony’s face appeared on his screen. 

“Hey Tony” clay managed to say. He saw Tony staring at him and suddenly Clay realized he was without his shirt. “Sorry, was about to shower” he stammered. Well now he had at least a reason to be embarrassed.  
“Sorry” Tony answered. “Thought this was easier then type”  
“I have pants on” Clay blurted out feeling his cheeks flush  
“Good to know” Tony laughed. “Maybe I don’t have pants on”   
Clay started laughing and finally felt his body relax again. This was the Tony he knew. He sat down on his bed “So this weekend. Can we do something?” Clay knew he was sounding a little bit like a small child who wanted candy but oh well.  
“Sure, all weekend?” Clay nodded at the screen. “Well how about we go camping or something as my brothers and sister are all home and I could use a break from them” Clay laughed at that. He knew Tony loved his family but as their house wasn’t that big they sometimes got on each others nerves. And like Tony his brothers were just as temperamental as him and their sister knew all the buttons to push to set them off.  
“You allowed to do that?” Clay asked as he knew about Tony’s probation.  
Tony shook his head at Clay. “You want to hike to the next state?” Clay laughed. Okay he had asked a stupid question again.  
“Can we leave after school tomorrow?”   
“Sure, want me to pick you up tomorrow morning so you can put your stuff in my car? Saves us a trip back”  
“Yeah that would be nice, thanks”  
“No problem man! I’ll leave you to your ‘shower’!” Clay must laughed at Tony’s teasing   
“Get your mind out of the gutter Padilla!”  
Tony laughed “see you tomorrow!”  
“Later” Clay answered and turned of the phone.

He had done it, a whole weekend to try and talk to Tony about it! He felt brave and nervous at the same time but he had taken the first step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay harder then I thought it would be. Next chapter will be long I think. Hope you liked it! 
> 
> Let me know with a kudo or comment! I appreciate them all


	3. The hike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to postpone the talk. I think I need a whole chapter for that but it’s coming!  
> Again, if you like it so far or have any input please leave a kudo or a comment! I really appreciate them

Clay woke up to his alarm and quickly got up. He wasn’t totally sure what time Tony would arrive and he didn’t want his mom to spend any time talking to Tony. Not after last night! He had hung up on Tony and went to tell his mom about his plans with him and even tough she hadn’t said anything her knowing smile and very understanding reaction to Clay going camping with Tony was enough for him to know that she made the right conclusion. 

His mom had helped him search for the camping gear they never used and had tried to start a conversation a few times but Clay made it clear he didn’t want that. In the end she had given up.  
But of course his mom had set a full breakfast table and he was sure his mom would drag Tony in if they had any time to spare before school. His parents were making small talk as he was wishing the whole time for Tony to be late. 

Somehow Tony must have heard his wish as he showed up with just enough time left to get the gear in Tony’s car.   
“Hey, you are wearing a shirt!” Tony commented as he walked up to clay standing at the door. Clay shook his head “Hey man! I see you are wearing pants” he replied.  
Suddenly Clays parents showed up at the door. “Need any help?” Clays mom asked.  
“No mom, we’re fine!” As Clay picked up some of his stuff and pushed them in Tony’s arms. Grabbing the rest himself. Fitting everything in the car didn’t take long and as they finished Clay made sure to get as quick as he could in the car.  
Tony watched as Clay jumped in his car without saying bye to his parents and then decided to get in the car too. As they drove off Tony looked over at Clay. “What was that about?  
Clay just looked out of the window trying to come up with a good excuse. “I just really needed a break from them”

School was over quickly without to much drama, walking to Tony’s car brought back the reason why they were going on this trip. The picture was in his jacket and it felt like it was burning a hole trough it. Clay glance over at Tony who was walking right next to him. He looked so happy and normal, Clay just hoped he was wrong about that stupid picture.

Tony seemed to know where to go as it didn’t take long for them to be speeding down a highway. Clay wasn’t even sure where they were.

“You want to talk about what’s bothering you?” Clay hated right now how perceptive Tony was and this really wasn’t the place to start the conversation with Tony driving.  
“Just the world. I really just need some off time”   
Tony looked over at Clay “to be honest, I wouldn’t mind either”  
“Something bothering you?” Clay asked  
“Yeah the world” Tony laughed at Clay, teasing him with the same vague statement Clay had given.  
Clay thought about it for a while, maybe if he was more open himself it would be easier for Tony too maybe.   
“Uhm..... Tony” making Tony look at him again “Yeah, Clay?”   
“Can I tell you something? And I don’t want you to laugh, or think I’m weird or something. It’s just something I haven’t told anyone.”  
“Sure....?” Tony answered   
Clay took a deep breath “I sometimes still see Hannah”  
Tony looked at Clay again. “Like remember her?”   
“Yes... no... more like she is still there.” Clay started fidgeting with his zipper of his jacket. Okay maybe this hadn’t been a good secret to tell but now he had made this jump. “I sometimes talk with her”  
Suddenly he felt Tony’s hand on his knee, looking up at Tony he saw him smile reassuringly at him. “I don’t think that’s weird, you are just still saying goodbye to her. Part of the process of letting go” Clay nodded. He had figured that out himself but shouldn’t it be done by now?  
“Just take your time, at some point you will be able to let her go.” Clay could feel his eyes had began to water up and he really didn’t want to cry. He quickly tried to wipe it all away. Tony didn’t say anything but left his hand on Clay’s knee.  
It took Clay a few minutes to calm himself while staring out the window. He hadn’t noticed Tony’s hand but suddenly he realized it was there. It felt kinda weird, it was making his whole leg tingle but not in a bad way.  
“You see her now?” Tony’s question brought Clay back out of his thoughts. “No, I usually see her when I’m alone or when we are in court” Clay was glad his voice sounded normal.  
Tony suddenly took his hand of Clay to park the car near a forest track. Clay noticed how his leg suddenly felt cold but was still tingling from where Tony’s hand had been.  
“We have arrived!” Tony said as Clay looked around wondering where they had arrived as they were still beside the road. Clay looked at Tony questioningly. “We have to hike from here, city boy”  
Tony got out of the car and Clay followed his example. Tony was already rummaging trough the trunk and handed Clay a large backpack. “Only pack what you really need as I’m not going to help you cary it” Clay had to laugh at that. His mom had throw so much stuff along the normal camping gear and as he hadn’t wanted to talk he had just let it be. “I know, my mom trying to smother me” Tony laughed “I’ll take the tent if you can carry our food”  
They managed to pack their bags rather quickly leaving almost halve of Clay’s stuff in the trunk.  
Tony held up Clays old teddy bear. Clay hadn’t even seen his mom put that among his stuff. “You sure you don’t need him to come along?” Tony teased. Clay just groaned grabbing the bear and throwing it among the other stuff in the trunk. “I really hate her sometimes”  
Tony hoisted his backpack on his back. “She just loves you, that’s all.”  
Clay hoisted his backpack on his back and followed Tony as he set of down the hardly visible track. “She loves embarrassing me you mean”  
“That too” Tony grinned at him.

The hike was longer that Clay expected and the backpack that hadn’t been so heavy at first had started to feel like it was filled with bricks 30 minutes after started walking. He really didn’t want to whine at Tony about it but Clay just hoped they would arrive to whatever destination Tony was going for.  
“When are we crossing the state line?” Clay half joked as he just had no clue where they were and how much more walking they would have to do  
“Well.. just 40 more minutes and we are in Mexico! But we might have to climb a wall”  
Clay laughed. “I’m sure our president would actually be happy about that.”   
They had started to climb a hill again and suddenly Clay realized he had been staring at Tony’s ass for a while now. Great..... haven’t I had enough teen angst and anxiety. Do we need to add sexuality doubts to that list?  
“Where are we going?” Clay finally asked. He really was done walking.  
“Just to the top, so don’t worry we are almost there”   
“You didn’t take a detour right?” Clay wouldn’t have been surprised if he had  
“No, Clay. I would never do that” looking back at Clay he gave him a devious smile.  
“You didn’t?!” Clay picked up a small stone and threw it at Tony.  
Tony started laughing “no I didn’t but that look an your face was worth it”  
Clay pulled a face at Tony.   
“Stop it princess, we are there.”   
Clay realized they were now standing on top of the hill which was rather flat and had an amazing view of the surrounding wilderness.  
“Wow, this is so cool. Do you come here often?” Clay looked back at Tony and saw that he had started blushing. Taking a few moment to realize why Tony was blushing “Oh, you took me to your make out spot!” Clay blurted out as he looked around him a few times. “Sorry, I didn’t really know any other spots to go to” tony confessed. Clay noticed tony was still feeling embarrassed and started laughing. “It’s fine. Really nice! I feel special now” Tony had to laugh now too “Well you didn’t whine as much as Brad did hiking here” Clay watched as Tony had started to unpack. “That guy really hated me!” Clay walked over to help tony get the tent out. Not that he had any clue how to set it up but Tony was apparently and expert. More things he didn’t know about Tony. “He only hated you because i was putting you above him”   
“Is that why you two broke up?” Clay felt horrible now  
“It was one of the reasons but not the only one so don’t worry” tony pushed some lines in his hand and made him stand there as tony started fastening lines on the other side  
“Am I a bad friend?” Clay asked. He had known so little of Tony’s secret and never actually been there for any of Tony’s problems he had to deal with.  
Tony got up from fastening a line. “Clay, stop doubting yourself! You are my best friend or I wouldn’t have brought you here” the wink at the end made Clay laugh “I just should have noticed things, don’t you think?” Tony just shook his head and disappeared again behind the tent to fasten another line “Clay, I alway liked your cluelessness” tony walked around the tent to take one of Clays lines. “I just love the way I can still shock you from time to time, it’s cute” as tony took the last line from Clay their hands touched right at the moment tony said cute and Clay felt warmth spreading in his belly. He watched as tony finished the tent as his mind was starting to doubt his sanity. He really didn’t want to look into those feeling now as this weekend wasn’t about that. He had to talk to Tony about the picture. He had thought about what to say for so long and he had made up his mind. He would do it tonight as he couldn’t really wait any longer


	4. The confrontation

Finding the right moment was even harder. They had talked about little things as Tony build a fire and started cooking. Clay was amazed how Tony was able to make such a great meal over a fire, again something Clay hadn’t known about him.

After dinner they had sat next to the fire together as they talked about little things again. Clay could feel the picture in his jacket and as he watched the sun going further down he tried to collect all the courage he had.

“Tony?... can I ask you something?” Tony looked at him, his face all warm. They had been sitting close together, their shoulders were touching and Clay dreaded what was about to come.  
“Sure. You know you don’t have to ask that”  
Clay swallowed. “You would tell me if something bad has happened to you?” He studied Tony’s face but Clay couldn’t read what was going on.  
“Why are you asking that?” Tony’s face went hard like stone and Clay tried his best to keep going. He slowly reached in his jacket and pulled out the picture. He knew he couldn’t ask it out loud and slowly gave Tony the picture face down. He watched as Tony slowly turned the picture around but Tony’s face didn’t change. 

“Tony?” Clay tried after a few minutes of silence  
Suddenly Tony threw the picture into the flames. “It’s nothing Clay” Tony’s voice sounded angry.  
“Is it?” Clay tried as he watched the picture wrinkle up and burn “it doesn’t seem like nothing.” He reached his hand over to touch Tony’s knee but Tony jerked away and got up  
“Tony?”  
But just as Clay was about to say something else Tony took off running.  
Shit! What did I do! Quickly Clay got up and ran after Tony but tony had a good head start.  
Clay did his best to try and keep up with Tony but with the sun getting lower it was becoming dark rather quickly. Shit! Shit! Fuck! Why did we have to be here! I have no fucking clue where I am.  
Suddenly he heard shouting. It was clearly Tony’s voice but most of the words were Spanish swear words. He followed the sound and found tony hitting a tree over and over. Clay was pretty sure he saw blood on Tony’s knuckles as he kept on punching the tree. The sun was really low now and Clay was getting more and more worried. He knew about Tony’s temper and he also knew not to get close to him if he was like this. But then again he couldn’t let Tony keep hitting that tree. He was sure tony would break something if he didn’t stop.  
Clay startled as tony suddenly let out a long scream at the sky and fell down to his knees. Clay was happy Tony had stopped punishing the tree but now he just sat there and clay contemplated going to him. Making up his mind he slowly started to walk over.  
“Tony?” He whispered softly  
“Get lost! Clay” Clay was taken back by the emotionless voice.  
Well this wasn’t good either! He strode over to Tony and sat down behind him trying to wrap his arms around the shorter boy. Tony pushed his arms away but Clay didn’t give up. Wrestling for a few seconds with the smaller but way stronger boy he finally managed to get a hold. He could feel Tony’s body tense against his arms till finally he gave up. They sat there quietly for a few moments and Clay was left to wonder what all this meant. He could feel Tony’s body start to shake and Clay realized Tony had started crying. He just held tony close as the tears began to fall. He just let Tony cry in his arms without saying anything waiting for him to calm down.  
As the sobbing stopped Tony started to shiver, Clay tried to rub some warmth back into him but he was getting pretty cold himself.  
“We should get back to camp.” Clay softly whispered in Tony’s ear. After a few seconds Tony nodded and slowly Clay unwrapped his arms and got up trying to pull Tony up too. Finally Tony started to move but as soon as they were standing he turned his back to Clay. Clay could just make out Tony’s form in the dark as he saw him try to wipe away at his eyes. It had gotten dark all the way and Clay was pretty sure he had no clue where camp actually was. He took a step towards Tony and slowly took his hand. He hated seeing Tony like this but right now he really needed him. “Do you know where the camp is” he softly asked. Tony just nodded and without letting go of Clays hand he started walking. Clay was amazed that Tony actually knew where to go as they walked quietly in the dark. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t have been able to. Tonys hand was warm in his own and walking side by side in awkward silence was enabling clay to look back at all that had happened.  
Something bad must have really happened as Tony would never react that way if it really was nothing. He knew Tony was short tempered and that could result in violence but that hadn’t always been the case. Suddenly it hit him, Tony had never been this violent since freshman year. That’s when he had been arrested the first time. Clay could still remember as that had shocked him and then that other time that Tony and his brothers had beaten up this guy. Clay had thought then that it was part of their family that was making Tony do that. Now being honest with himself he had seen this aggressive Tony it way to often lately. Thinking back at the picture Tony had looked younger. He at first had thought that might have been because he was unconscious but what if it was a picture from their freshman year? It would explain the sudden outbursts that had started to occur since then. Now Tony beating that tree was again a confirmation that something had happened and it wasn’t good at all!  
Looking over at Tony he could just make out his face. It looked empty or maybe that was just the dark. But the silence was deafening and telling the real story behind those empty eyes. he knew if he wanted to help Tony they would have to talk about it again.

They returned to camp, their fire had almost gone out and Clay did his best to get it back alive as Tony sat by watching him. Finally he was happy with the fire and looked at Tony. He was just staring in the flames with his legs pulled up and his hands wrapped around them. His chin was resting on his knees and Clay just realized how small he suddenly looked. Noticing Tony’s hands were still bleeding Clay quickly looked trough his backpack to find the first aid kid. He had wanted to leave it in the car as he knew his mom had only packed it in his stuff to smother him again. but in the end he had luckily decided to cary it along anyway. He was glad now and opened it to grab some bandages and disinfectant. As he rummaged trough it he stopped. There were two condoms in there as well. What the Fuck! Okay his mom is crazy! He tried to calm his breathing for a few seconds. Maybe his mom hadn’t known they were in there! He tried to reason with himself. He looked over at Tony and was glad he hadn’t noticed anything. Grabbing the supplies he needed he went to sit next to Tony. 

Slowly as not to startle Tony, Clay took his hand and slowly got it in his lap. Taking the water bottle first he rinsed most of the already dried blood of Tony’s knuckles. The cuts weren’t to deep but they were quite swollen. He had no clue how to check if anything was broken so decided to just disinfect the wounds and wrap the bandage around Tony’s hand. Having never done that Clay was surprised to find he managed to do it pretty well. Slowly moving around Tony to do the other side. This hand was a little worse and was steel bleeding, Clay did his best to dress this hand as well but he did a poorer job this time. 

He gave up trying to make it look better as he looked at Tony’s face. It was still empty of emotions and Clay was starting to get more worried. He decided to sit behind Tony again and wrapped his arms as best as he could around him again. Resting head against Tony’s back. 

They had been sitting like that for at least 10 minutes as Clay just listened to Tony’s breathing. He had no clue what to do or say and he just hoped he was doing the right thing. He was startled out of his thoughts as he heard Tony softly whisper.  
“I don’t really remember anything” it had been spoken so softly that Clay was sure he wouldn’t have heard it if he hadn’t been sitting so close.  
Clay hugged Tony a little stronger and rubbed his leg that Clay had been holding.  
“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it. Just know I am here if you do” he could feel Tony’s breathing getting a bit quicker.  
“I only remember before and some little things after” clay slowly moved his hand up and down Tony’s leg trying to in courage him but being careful not to push to much. He really couldn’t run after Tony again if he decided to run off again. He wrapped his other arms around Tony’s abdomen to make sure that wasn’t going to happen again. It seemed to comfort Tony even more as he relaxed a little in Clay’s arms.  
“Do you want to tell me what you do remember?”  
“Will you not judge me?” Tony seemed to try and roll up in an even smaller ball and Clay softly shushed him. “I would never! You know that right? You are the best person I know”

After a few minutes of silence Tony finally started to talk.  
“It was in the middle of freshman year, I had known I was gay for a while now but I wasn’t really open about it yet because I feared how everyone would react. Including my family. They are catholic and I was afraid they would kick me out of the house.” Clay just nodded his head against Tony’s back as he just listened. He could understand that fear and knowing Tony’s family he could see why Tony would fear that.  
“I met Jamie, he wasn’t in our school at all but he was so open about being gay and I had an instant crush on him. He was very understanding of my situation and agreed to keep everything private. We hung out doing normal stuff but I wanted... well needed more. I wanted to know what it would be really like so when we were alone in an alley I decided to kiss him. It was my first time kissing a guy and it was great. It didn’t last long but it had been long enough for someone to take a picture” Clay hummed a little to show Tony he was still listening. “That weekend I had butterflies all day and night. I felt so good and I was so happy. Then Monday came around and before I knew it Bryce had cornered me. He showed me the picture and threatened to post it around school. As my brother was still in school at that time I knew my parents would find out really quickly and I pleaded with Bryce. He told me to find him after school so we could work out a deal.”  
He could feel Tony’s body beginning to tense up again and Clay softly kissed Tony’s back. “It’s okay. I’m here” clay spoke softly as Tony tried to even out his breathing.  
“I found him waiting for me at my locker after school and followed him out to the fields and to that shed. I knew it was stupid going along with him but I was so afraid for anyone to find out. He took me inside and gave me some pot. He talked about how he thought it was funny I was gay and that he was pretty sure my parents would hate me for it. He was actually being all understanding and offering to help me. He gave me a bottle of water and I drank it. I should have realized something was up as the world started to spin. I passed out not much later.” Clay could feel Tony had started to shiver again and Clay tried his best to keep his own calm. It stayed quiet for a long time and Clay knew he had to try and get tony to tell the rest. “What else do you remember”  
“Waking up” tony said but again nothing more came out. Clay was running out of ideas now and sitting behind Tony was the only thing he could do. Looking at Tony’s neck he moved forward and softly planted his lips there. “You know I won’t think any less of you Tony” he felt tony lean back a little against his lips. Tony tasted good Clay thought as he breathed in Tony’s scent, it was a musky scent that was so Tony.  
“I woke up under the stand of the baseball field.” Tony continued. “My clothes were undone. My shoes and pants were next to me. I was half naked. I was drowsy from whatever he gave me but I felt the pain. It didn’t take me long to realize what had happened and I cried for so long. It took me forever to find my will to get dressed and try to get home. I could hardly move and I was still to drowsy to drive and I couldn’t call anyone. I thought about calling Jamie or my parents but I couldn’t. In the end I stayed there till the sun came up and school was about to start. That day was the worst day in my life” Clay felt how his own cheeks had gotten damp as tears had started to fall. “After I got home that day I told my mom I was gay. The day couldn’t get any worse anyway and I didn’t want anyone to be able to hold it over me again. She was so understanding and sweet and helped me tell my dad who just hugged me and said he was so proud of me for telling him.” Tony let out a sad laugh “if I had just told them i was gay it would never have happened!” 

Clay just held Tony for a long time as Tony relaxed slowly in his arms. He noticed Tony’s body getting heavier and he realized that Tony was starting to fall asleep. The fire had died down a while ago and with his free hand he threw some sand over it to make sure it was out. He slowly managed to wake tony up a bit by kissing his neck again. “Come let’s get to bed” he softly whispered in Tony’s ear and helped him get up. In the distance Clay could see the first signs of morning as he helped Tony get in the tent. Closing the zipper he helped Tony undress down to his boxers and then undressed himself. He laid down next to him and hugged him close. He pulled a blanket over them both and he could feel Tony slowly falling asleep in his arms. Clay closed his eyes when he was sure Tony was asleep letting himself drift off into oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really hard for me to write with my own past dealing with this issue. So I haven’t really checked the writing so I’m sorry if it’s not that good. I will try and check everything later
> 
> Still I hope you liked it!


	5. Chapter 5

Clay woke up, he wasn’t sure how long he had slept but it had been long enough for Tony to have wrapped himself around him totally. He was staring at his peaceful face and Clay was just happy that Tony was at least still sleeping. It was rather hot in the tent and they had kicked the blankets off during the night, leaving their bare chests touching. He could smell Tony’s scent and inhaled deeply. Somehow having Tony wrapped around his body actually felt good. Really good he conceded. But he knew he couldn’t really do anything about those feelings now as he was pretty sure Tony wouldn’t want him anyway! He wasn’t Tony’s type, he was sure. He wasn’t like Ryan or Brad. He didn’t have their confidence and experience at all.

He could feel Tony stir and Clay smiled as Tony opened his eyes.  
“Morning” Clay said softly.  
Tony smiled. “Morning” he said softly back, just starting to realize he was holding onto Clay,”oh sorry” he muttered and tried to get away but Clay stopped him.  
“It’s nice” Clay admitted. Tony laid back down and stared at Clay. “Unless you want to get up”  
It took Tony a few seconds before he responded “no, it’s nice”

They laid in silence for a while just enjoying the moment. Whatever kind of moment it was.  
Clay wondered if the tent was getting hotter by the sunlight or because of their bodies being intwined. He looked at Tony again who seemed very content laying on his arm.   
“How are your hands?” Clay asked softly not wanting to disturb the silence to much.  
Tony held up the hand that had been laying on Clays chest. He winced as he flexed his fingers a few times. “Painful but working” Tony answered.   
“How are you feeling?”   
Okay maybe that question had been to early as he could feel Tony stiffen besides him. Clay was about to apologize when Tony responded. “Weird I guess”  
Clay could understand that, he was pretty much feeling the same way too.  
“I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me” Clay let out after a couple of breaths. He should have been there for Tony!  
“I couldn’t tell anyone. I was trying to deny is happening to myself. Tried to think it was just something the drugs made me think. Or that I may have wanted it myself” he closed his eyes when he said that last sentence. Clay moved his hand that had been on Tony’s hip up to touch his face  
“You would never want that! What happened wasn’t your fault. It was Bryce’s. It’s always Bryce’s!”  
Tony opened his eyes slowly staring back at Clay’s eyes.  
“I do kinda remember little things. Mostly pain and being held down” Clay pulled Tony closer letting him bury his face against Clay’s chest. He could feel To y started to tremble again. “I couldn’t fight him” Tony let out as he started crying. “I tried but my body wouldn’t do anything!” Clay just listened as Tony tried to tell things. He could feel he had started to cry himself too as he felt tears starting to roll. “I’m here.” He spoke softly in Tony’s ear trying to make everything better.  
“He raped me” Tony let out softly. “I know, I know” Clays whispered back. “He raped, Hannah” Tony let out. “If I had told she wouldn’t have had to deal with him” Clay hadn’t actually thought about Hannah at all. The guild in Tony’s voice was so clear. “Because of me she killed herself”  
“Shhhh Tony, don’t say that!” Clay was pretty sure Tony wasn’t to be blamed. She knew what Bryce was like, she had seen him with Jessica. “I’m pretty sure she knew what Bryce was like. After Jessica” feeling Tony stiffen again he was pretty sure he had messed up again. “Jessica” Tony said. “I could have prevented that too”  
Okay clearly this wasn’t helping Tony. He slowly started to peel Tony’s head away from his chest. tony tried to fight him as he lifted his chin.  
“Look at me Tony!” Clay tried to sound nice and firm. He really needed to get Tony to listen. “None of this is your fault! Bryce is to blame! You were a victim! You had to heal first and no one will blame you for that” tony hadn’t opened his eyes and Clay was getting worried. In the end Clay softly kissed Tony’s forehead. “I don’t blame you” he whispered against the skin. He could feel Tony start to relax. 

They stayed like that for a long time. Just holding on to each other shutting out the world and its horrors. Clay could hear the birds singing outside and the soft buzz of insects, it was all so peaceful here.  
Tony suddenly groaned. “I really need to pee!” Clay laughed. “Me too, actually” he replied. But they just kept laying as they were for a few more minutes till finally Tony moved “Okay I really need to go now or I’ll pee my pants” Clay watched for a few moments as Tony got up. Watching tony stretch his muscles first, making his tattoos move. Clay loved Tony’s tattoos, they were so him. Even the little stars behind his ear were just Tony. Watching Tony open the tent he got up himself. “You okay with your hands.” Clay asked as the got out.  
Tony just smiled at him “You want to hold me as I pee.” Quirking his eyebrows at Clay “it’s really fine, not the first time my hands have been like this.” Clay had remembered. They both found their own bush to pee against, it gave Clay some time to think about all that was going on. In the end he was happy he had finally managed to talk to Tony. He just hoped that He was helping Tony and not making things worse.  
“Want coffee?” Tony asked as Clay moved to sit down next to their fire pit. Tony had already managed to lite it already. “It’s instant coffee, so don’t expect a cappuccino or something”   
“How will I survive without a cappuccino?” Clay melodramatically said.   
Tony laughed at him as he hung a pan with water on the small tripod above the fire. “Also I don’t have a good breakfast for you either. Just sandwiches”   
Clay looked at him with his best mocking shock he could. “You barbarian!”   
“Well princess we could walk back to the car and go to a diner”   
“And walk to the car first” clay countered  
“I’m not going to carry your skinny ass” Tony teased back  
“No piggybacking?” Clay pouted  
Tony started laughing now. “Nope, and we will have to hike back to the car tonight as we don’t have enough water or food till Sunday.”  
Clay nodded “so what are we gonna do till then?” He hadn’t really planned beyond the picture.  
“Well you want to go swimming? There is a little natural lake not that far from here.” Looking at Clay’s doubting face “it’s save, I have gone swimming there countless of times” clay smiled back, of course Tony could have read his doubts. “How far is not far?” Clay countered. To be honest he didn’t mind at all to go swimming. It was getting hotter by the minute. “I’ll let you piggyback if you get tired” tony was rummaging trough his backpack and handed Clay some sandwiches. Clay gladly accepted and they ate their sandwiches and drank their coffee while discussing how long Clay thought was long and how far he thought Tony would be able to carry him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit short sorry! Busy mom, busy wife and busy teacher! Hope you liked it.  
> I wonder if I should really make this a Clay/Tony fic. Do like those two together


	6. Chapter 6

They left after breakfast after Clay had helped Tony remove the bandages. Surprisingly his hands didn’t look to bad. Clay followed Tony trough the trees. It felt weird how easy they had gone back to happy friends after everything. Clay knew it wasn’t over yet but he was happy for now to do something fun. Take some of the edge off. 

Tony hadn’t lied and after a mere fifteen minutes Clay could hear a waterfall and soon after they turned a corner around a large rock formation and a beautiful scene unfolded. A small waterfall fell into a basin of water before the water would flow down rocks to another basin below. 

“Wow!” Clay said  
“Yes doesn’t get much nicer then this.” Tony replied as he started to undress.  
“Shit I forgot to bring my swim trunks” Clay felt so stupid. They have made this whole trip and they hadn’t brought anything. He stared longingly at the water.  
“Really Clay. You see me wearing one?” Clay looked back at Tony and was shocked to see the other was naked. Very naked Clay thought, and wow Tony had lied, the view could get nicer!  
Clay watched as Tony walked past him and into the water, going deeper and deeper before dunking himself under and taking a few second to resurface.  
“You gonna stare at me, or are you coming in? Tony shouted back from the water at Clay  
Clay could feel his cheeks burn, compared to Tony he was just a scrawny dangly kid. Who still had to grow muscles everywhere. Even tough Tony is shorter Clay was very aware, tony looked more like a man then he did. Standing there looking at Tony wasn’t an option. He would have to get in the water too to keep things from becoming awkward.  
He looked back at Tony who was now floating on the surface and not staring at Clay anymore. Clay did his best to undress as quickly as he could and get in before Tony would look at him again. Striding into the cool water quickly he dunked under as soon as it was deep enough. tony hadn’t really moved till Clay was nearly at him  
“Took you long enough!” Tony teased him, getting himself upright again.  
Clay shrugged “I’m not used to being around other guys naked.” He answered  
“We’ve been naked in locker rooms” tony countered.  
“Which I haven’t been comfortable with either! Why do they make us do that? Like being a teenager is angst enough!”  
“True, But I was naked too! So why have a problem with it now?” Clay was for once not oblivious to the hurt in Tony’s voice.  
“No, not like that... just look at you. You are basically perfect and manly, I’m just a boy compared to you. A boy who is growing in all the wrong places! My arms even look longer then my legs!”  
Clay was happy to see Tony start to smile and then laugh as he talked  
“You find me manly?” Tony snorted  
“Probably the most manly one in the locker room”  
“so you have been comparing us all?” Seeing the teasing smirk on Tony’s face had Clay groan. “Ahhhhh, why doesn’t anything come out normally?”  
Tony splashed water towards Clay. “Well at least now I know you find me manly” saying it in his most feminine voice, which Clay was pretty sure was still more manly then his own normal voice. He splashed water back at Tony and before long they were engaged in a full blown water battle. 

Exhausted and a bit cold the two of them made it over to the rocks where the water trickled over into the lower basin. Tony climbed on them first and laid back against one of the bigger and more flat rock surface. Clay joined him and laid next to him, staring up at the sky and letting the sun warm them up.  
“Tony?” Clay asked after minutes of silence.  
“Yes, Clay?” Clay felt Tony shift beside him and as Clay turned his head he could see tony had shifted on his side to look at Clay. Right now Tony looked like one of those marble statues you sometimes see in a history book.  
“Have you taken your boyfriends here too?” Clay had been thinking about that since they left but it still felt a bit weird to talk to Tony about his boyfriends as not so long ago he still had been thinking of Tony as straight. “No” was the simple reply Tony gave.  
“Why not?” The short response from Tony had intrigued him even more  
“I guess being naked around a boyfriend kinda shows you want to try more.... I wasn’t ready yet”  
Clay was aware that they had come back to the picture again.  
“ I haven’t done much more then kiss yet” tony confessed. He laid back down and now Clay sat up a little to look at Tony. “I’m scared I will panic or that I will remember more” tony closed his eyes. “Or that they take one look at my body and see I’m soiled”  
“You aren’t soiled! And your body looks amazing!” Clay exclaimed incredulously. “I guess the fear is normal” tony opened his eyes a little. “You haven’t tried anything at all” Clay asked.  
“Okay I might have put my hands down someone’s pants but that’s it”  
“Lucky guy!” Clay teased.  
“Mr. Jensen! Are you flirting with me?” Tony teased back  
“Mr. Padilla, I think you are correct in that assumption” Clays heart skipped a beat as he became aware of what he had said and that he had actually meant it too. Tony stared at him, confusion written over his face. Clay watched as the whole world had started to slow down around him, his heart was trying to regain the missing beat by pounding hard in his chest now.  
“Clay?” Tony’s look didn’t change. Clay could see tony trying to figure out what was happening. “Are you serious right now?” Clay could feel his cheeks burn again and he was pretty sure Tony could read the answer on his face.  
“Maybe” was all Clay could get out


	7. Chapter 7

The silence was horrible, tony just stared at him all sorts of emotion going on behind those eyes. Just as Clay was about to say anything Tony rolled away and got up. “You shouldn’t say that” he could hear the Tony’s strained voice. Had he scared him? Had he hurt him? He watched as Tony went back into the water and swam to the waterfall and disappeared underneath it.

Shit Clay thought after several minutes. Where had he gone? Clay quickly got up and got back in the water. Why was he always such an idiot! He swam trough the thick’s stream of water to find a smaller pool behind it with more flat rocks. He found Tony there who was clearly crying but as soon as he noticed a lay he turned away. “Go away Clay”  
Clay climbed out and moved over to Tony sitting again behind Him to wrap his arms around him. “No, Tony. Just tell me what’s wrong” tony pushed at his arms but Clay made it clear he wasn’t giving up without a fight. “You shouldn’t joke about such thing!” Tony bit out at him.   
“I...I wasn’t joking okay” Clay said softly. Why wouldn’t tony believe that?  
Tony had stopped fighting against Clay. Clay wrapped his arms closer around Tony pulling his back against his chest. It felt so good to feel Tony’s warm skin against his.  
“But, you are straight” Tony whispered “you loved Hannah and Skye.”   
Clay laughed against his back. “Guess not, as I’m pretty sure I have those feelings for you”  
They stayed quiet there for a while. The rushing sound of the water was shutting out the world beyond the waterfall.   
Clay was getting more worried by the second. Maybe Tony didn’t have the same feelings as he did and now he told him everything would be fucked up. He didn’t want Tony to shut him out now he had finally been able to talk about that picture.  
“You okay?” Clay whispered when he couldn’t stand this anymore  
“We are naked” tony replied.   
Clay was pretty sure that had been the case for a while already. “Yes we are” Clay responded confused  
“We need to get dressed” tony quickly pulled himself free from Clay but Clay managed to grab hold of his arm just before he got to far away. The sudden pull on his arms and tony not being upright as he was grabbed caused them to slide down the slippery rocks into the water. Clay hit his head hard and went under. He tried getting up but he somehow couldn’t get his feet under himself in the rushing water of the waterfall. He was about to panic when Tony’s strong arms pulled him up.  
“You okay” Tony looked worriedly at him. Clay touched his forehead and as he took a look at his fingers he could see blood.  
“Why always my head?”   
Tony laughed. “Come we need to get that bandaged!” Tony helped him trough the waterfall and towards their clothes. Tony picked up his shirt and bundled it up. He pressed the bundle against Clays forehead. “Just keep the pressure on it”  
Clay watched as tony pulled on his boxers before handing Clay’s his. “Sorry, no towels”  
Clay pulled his own on and went to pick up his clothes. Tony took them from him and bundled his and Clays together. “I’ll carry them, you just watch that you don’t hit your head again” 

The track back was just as easy and it didn’t take long to get back.  
“Sit” Tony ordered. Clay listened and let himself down leaning against a log. He watched as Tony grabbed the first aid kit and started to rummage trough it. Tony froze.  
Shit! The condoms! Clay realized.  
Tony unfroze and grabbed some bandages and disinfectant. He walked to Clay and sat down in front of him. Pulling away the shirt Clay could feel the bleeding start again.  
Tony cleaned the wound and put the bandage on  
“It’s not to bad”  
“Okay” clay muttered  
Tony smiled at him. “Condoms?”  
Clay was glad they had gone back to teasing but inside he felt horrible that Tony hadn’t responded to his revelation.  
“Mom, smothering me” he answered softly. He couldn’t keep the hurt out and he knew Tony would notice it.  
“Clay?”  
“Yes?”   
“I.......I have feelings for you too, just...” Clay’s heart did a jump as Tony said that  
“But why did you turn away?” Clay was still terrified this was still going to go wrong.  
“I was.... we were naked....I told you before” he could see Tony was struggling to say something and Clay was starting to see what had happened. Clay grabbed Tony and pulled him against him so he could hug him.  
“Tony, believe me. I’m not ready for much either!”  
Tony shook his head “I’m scared, I might remember things if I do more”  
“Then we will take it slow, I don’t mind! I’m just glad I’m here with you” he carefully leaned into Tony and kissed him softly on the lips. Tony answered softly. The kiss was sweet and soft and clay broke it only to look in Tony’s eyes. “Let’s make some rules. Rule one: when one of us says stop we stop and not feel bad and rule number two: we talk. No hiding our emotions from each other.”   
Tony smiled softly at him. “Thanks” he whispered softly. “To be honest I’m terrified myself! I have no clue what to do with a guy” this made tony laugh.  
“Don’t worry, I know that” tony winked before leaning back in to kiss clay again. This time more sure of himself and deepening the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it will take longer from now one as it’s busy at work,


	8. Chapter 8

It felt weird but in a good way. His soft lips were warm and when he felt Tony run his tongue over his lips he gladly opened it. His whole body was on fire instantly and he couldn’t help but moan against Tony’s mouth. He moved his hand to Tony’s chest feeling the warm skin beneath his fingers. He didn’t want to scare tony so he made sure he kept his hand up but that did feel so good. Tony had his hand trough Clays hair and Clay was pretty sure he would melt at some point. End as a puddle on the floor.

It couldn’t last forever and when they parted they were both panting for air. Tony hadn’t let go of Clay and rested his forehead against Clay.

“Wow” Clay let out. Making Tony laugh before kissing him softly again. This time it didn’t last as long but tony had straddled Clays lap it felt so much more intimate. Clay wanted desperately to do more but he was unsure how Tony would react. And to be totally honest, he loved having Tony lead the way.

“You are perfect” he said when they broke apart. Tony sat back a little and laughed “I’m far from perfect”   
Clay reached up one hand and traced the flowers of Tony’s tattoo. “Yes, you are to me” he loved how they flowed over Tony’s chest. He noticed the tiny goosebumps appear under his fingers and it sent butterflies flying again low in his stomach. “You are so beautiful and kind and way to sweet.”  
Tony laughed kissing Clay again. “So are you” he whispered softly between the kisses. Clay wanted to complain when tony went away from his mouth but when he felt those wonderful lips against the sensitive skin of his neck he let out a happy moan. Moving both his hands to Tony’s back he pushed their chests together. Being this close he could actually feel tony was enjoying this just as much as he was. Tony’s hard cock against his belly was sending an overload of feeling down his own spine to his groin. He was pretty sure Tony could feel his erection too.  
Tony let go of Clays hair and moved his hand over his back. He stopped kissing his neck and look at Clay. He whispered softly “this okay?” Clay just looked at him with a silly grin. “You hear me complaining?” This time Clay moved forward to capture Tony’s lips again.   
Suddenly he became aware of tony grinding against him and he moved his hands lower so he could push against Tony’s back to get more friction. But then Tony stopped. “Can we stop?” The question sounded small. Clay moved his hands to Tony’s shoulders and then slowly to his face. Forcing Tony to look at him he smiled “of course we can! But you are sitting on me so...”   
tony smiled back. “Thanks”   
“Don’t thank me, we agreed this. Remember?”   
They kept sitting like this for a while. Just enjoying the moment.

“So how about lunch?” Clay asked. Not that he minded having Tony sit on him for the rest of the night but his stomach was protesting.  
“We still have some sandwiches but no dinner so we have to get back to a store.”  
“More walking” Clay pulled a face  
“We won’t have that much in our backpack so it won’t be as heavy” tony kissed him before getting off of Clay. Clay was missing Tony’s warm body right away.  
“I do suggest taking some of the things we won’t need anymore, back to the car. Will give us less to carry tomorrow.”

Together they ate the sandwiches, packed their bags and sat off down the trail only Tony saw. It had gotten pretty hot but this time Clay didn’t really mind the walk. Maybe because the seriousness of having not spoken about the picture yet had burdened him the most yesterday. Now with all the good revelations he was feeling a lot lighter. Still took more then an hour to walk back to the car. 

The car had been baking in the sun all day and sitting in it was like being in an oven. Tony let the motor come to live and rode off.  
“There is a gas station up ahead where we can buy most of our supplies but dinner will be a bit of a stretch” Tony said as Clay was just loving the wind going trough the car. Cooling it off.  
“So we could go to the diner that is further away for dinner if you want?” He looked a bit uneasy  
Clay looked over at Tony. “That would be nice! I’m starving!” But when he saw Tony’s face he wondered. “What’s wrong”  
“They are not gay friendly but it’s the only diner close enough” tony answered  
“How do you know?”   
Tony shrugged. “Brad told me”  
Ah Clay thought, not wanting to go to Tony’s ex boyfriends discussion. “Then we are straight till my belly is happy again”   
Tony let out a laugh “fine, everything to keep your belly happy.”


End file.
